for my ladies

I’ll get right to it. We know how messed up this world is now a days. We’ve been told it would only get worse, and in the midst of it, I think we can be under and overwhelmed at the task of living in it. Here’s a small “How-To” on being a strong, fun, righteous woman in a pretty messed up world.

“Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others”

The only way you can ensure your ability to help and lift others up (or make sure they stay breathing) is to make sure you are already taken care of. At this stage of life, you have friends who are struggling, maybe even drowning in sin or tragedy or depression. Nothing is more heartbreaking than watching someone you love suffer and feeling helpless to their needs.

Before jumping in to help anyone, you have to ensure your spiritual, physical, mental and emotional reserves are adequately full for the task. Seriously, can you imagine playing in a tournament without having eaten, hydrated and slept? It’s the exact same concept! Too many well-intended women, young and old, have an inherent guilt that accompanies taking care of our own selves. True, service and love are some of the easiest ways a woman can feel worthwhile. But I would say that we are worth much less if our efforts are spent lifting others up when we ourselves feel nothing but down. Every compliment, every kind act would then transfer our burdens onto the very people we are trying to help!

The solution? Take time for yourself. Make sure you are fed, literally! Take time to feel complete on your own. Don’t make anyone or anything outside of yourself responsible for your own well-being and happiness. If you find yourself in need, seek for and accept the help. Charity starts with giving and ends in receiving. If you can’t learn to do both, then you won’t find the true happiness that comes with “mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort”.

Make sure you are your best self for your own reasons. We can only be adequate friends, sisters, teachers, mothers and wives if we can confidently say that those roles are not our only definitions. Be both who you are and who you want to be. You can have both! Just be sure you are more than OK before you try to help others. It’s not as hard or unattainable as it looks, but It is more important than it seems.

 I plead with you to learn from other’s mistakes as often as you can! Truly, they are gift, because what is more generous than for us to see and learn from an experience we didn’t have to have ourselves? If you can’t appreciate the blessing of identifying and learning from other’s mistakes then you will more certainly make your own over and over again. Keep an eye out. You will learn.

Please don’t’s

PLEASE don’t:

Change yourself for anyone, especially for a guy. It will only come back to bite you.

Try to change others

Spend too much time in front of the mirror. Present yourself well, yes. But if it takes 2 hours in the morning and a stop in every mirror you encounter throughout the day, then it’s too much.

Worry too much. Cry a little if you must, but don’t let worry consume you. It’s unbecoming.

Obsess over anything.

Under-Eat

Overeat.

Sacrifice bits of yourself for people that are just going to take it and run. You will start to disintegrate this way.

Make friends with bad people.

Be a bad friend.

Forget to appreciate your family for all they are and teach to you, both good and bad.

Judge. God’s got that covered, no need to spend bits of your soul on

“God has yo' back”

Having a best friend can be the greatest source of strength in this life. I can tell you from experience that the best one to have is your own Father in Heaven. He is so intimately aware of everything you need, want, hope for, dread. What better person to confide in? What stronger shoulder could you have to take hard things from you and still leave you feeling stronger? If you don’t know Him, take the time. I can guarantee when you find Him in your life, you will find yourself. He is in charge. Period. Take comfort in the fact that your responsibilities and burdens are His. He will cry with you. He will laugh with you. He will hold you all day every day if you just make sure you are always within reach.